Ok, so I've been contemplating on whether or not I should blog about this.. What will people think?? What will they say?? I'm pretty sure every couple goes through this phase at some point in their relationship right?? So fuggit, here goes nothing! LoL
On March 13, 2009, my status changed from being "single" to "in a relationship".. I was so happy to finally have someone more than a friend to be with.. It happened very unexpectedly, he does music and so do I.. I wasn't really wanting to pursue it as a career as much as he did.. Anyways, friends of mine needed help with doing a chorus and called me to come in. So I did, after that night I started going very often throughout the week.. Not knowing he already had a girlfriend but made the effort to ask for my number and call me to "talk".. So we're talking right? Keep in mind that I had no idea he was in a relationship, further into our convo, we're just asking each other questions and somehow it came out.. Him having a girlfriend that is. Ok at that point I was really turned off! Personally, I think females who interfere with relationships are down right disgusting! They belong with the rapists and child molestors, that's how I feel about them.. So with that being said, I brought our conversation to an end along with our mutual friendship.. HELLO! As much as I strongly dislike certain females, I would never wish that upon them or any woman at that!
Time went on and after that night I made my visits to the studio very limited to not going at all. I wasn't about to go through all that bs again with anyone else!! So after about 2 months, I recieved a text from him. Ugh I was so annoyed and irritated, I hated that I hated him but for some EFFING reason I was still attracted to him.. So we hooked up, oh my gosh when we got together he totally knocked me off my feet! It was crazy cuz in my journal, he had all the traits I wanted in my man. We were inseperable! We would text each other all these corny texts and say "I miss you" every time we weren't together.. Seriously, our friends were disgusted with the way we acted towards each other, not in a lustful way but it was that "new love", the type you see in Jr. High, ya that kind. We thought we would never argue or get mad with one another, stupid right? Well that's what happens when you're a moipi lol haha no jk.. We thought we knew everything about love, little did we know, we really knew nothing. We were just so comfortable and admired the concept of each other.
Things have been so tough lately. We went from saying the nicest things to each other to saying the most hurtful things any couple could say to one another, we've both hurt each other and I blame us both for where our relationship is now. No, neither of us cheated, if that was the case, we would DEFINITELY not be an item anymore. I've sat and thought about us for the longest time it really stressed me out! To the point where I didn't really have an appetite, and I really saw no joy in life.. Besides my daughter! Duh hello!! :) So many things were going through my mind like, did everything happen so fast that we're not really into each other anymore?? Is there someone else out there who can love him better than I can?? Alot of things were boggling my mind. Are we at the end of what we started?? Hmmm, there's really not an exact answer.
One things for sure though, I know I love this man endlessly and perhaps this is just a phase every married couple goes through. Maybe this is a test to really see how strong our love is for one another. Maybe, just maybe. Wishing things can go back to the way they once were, if not, at least we can say we tried (: