.. eternity isn't long enough ..

March is around the corner, March 13th to be exact. The day Kasey and I finally made it official. If you're not aware of how we met, let me break it down. We met at his studio at the end of 2008, through mutual friends of ours we ended up hanging out casually. Well you know the rest lol. The first months were great because we were knew to each other and we thought things were really easy, ya no. After finding out I was pregnant, this brought us closer. Soon after giving birth, it was the exact opposite. We couldn't stand being around each other, always fighting over dumb things, totally insecure about things and each other's whereabouts and being really immature towards one another.

It's so sad how things turned out after the birth of our daughter, I really thought our relationship reached its end and we both failed as parents, but more so ending up like every other young 'unmarried' couple. I didn't want to label Kasey as my 'babydaddy' (I hate that word lol) I didn't, well no one really wants things to turn out that way. We split right before Christmas 2010. I stayed with my cousin in Draper with our daughter and Kasey was back at his grandmas. I was so insecure about letting him go out, the people he was with, and the things he would end up doing. I didn't want to put myself through it anymore and just thought being apart was the best for us. Selfish, I didn't consider our daughter and how it would effect her in the long run.

I was always hesitant talking about what happened in the past because it takes me back to what felt like my lowest point; in our relationship that is. But I've accepted that no one's perfect and in order to grow and learn from it, at some point I would have to talk about it or share it with others who've been through the same thing. Kasey would get messages through FB and texts from 'old' friends who were females. I cannot tell you or explain how much my blood boiled when I would go through this shit. He's lucky he's still alive lol! Ha. It was nothing serious and NO he never cheated, it's just the fact that us females know how us females are. If that makes sense, like come on. Really b*tch? Messages? Posting on his wall wasn't good enough huh? (hence the fact we both deactivated our fb pages). This and being that my postpartum depression was extremely bad because I was insecure about my weight after birth. I was mad that he would egg it on and continue to text rather than just stop texting or just simply not replying back. Anyways, it took me FOREVER to let go of this grudge I've been holding against him. I would just nod and say that it didn't bother me, when really I had my blueprint of killing these females all planned out. Hahaha I'm totally kidding but any female can respectfully understand where I'm coming from. I'm sure Kasey has his own version of this but he can go ahead and put it in the 'suggestion' box lol.

Anyhow I think the whole point of this post is that I've finally come to peace with myself and humbled myself as far as letting the 'past' go. I've prayed and got reassurance from family members that's it's apart of life. Reading one of my fellow followers post, I've gained more reassurance that it really does bring peace and it takes that huge burden off your shoulders. I'm glad that I'm at a point where I can accept that it happened and I'm able to let it go, carrying that burden was so stressful and depressing! But I'm over it, I know now that our love is strong, our bond is unbreakable. We can fight now and know that at the end of the day, we'll come home to each other, laugh about it, and move on with our lives. Because holding on to it makes it even worse and letting go is just another lesson learned.

I'm extremely grateful for the unconditional love we have for each other and our children. We've worked so hard to get where we're at now, as individuals, as a couple, as one, and as providers for our kids. It's been long, rough, and stressful but I would go through it all again because he means that much to me. I would sacrifice anything and everything for him and my 2 loves.

March would mark 4 long years we've together. Four years that have brought us even closer. I love you Kasey Claye Barrington, 4 years down and eternity to go, although ETERNITY isn't long enough, here's to us both baby!!

.xoxo.